Clarity: Finding Your People
06.14.23 | 55105
For reflection:
Who in your life seems ‘sure’ about their path or purpose? Why do they seem this way?
Who in your life seems unsure? Why do they seem this way?
When you look up to someone else, which of their qualities do you wish to emulate?
Think about the people you know who seem to have a sense of clarity about their lives. What commitments and priorities do they have?
Have you ever struggled to feel understood by the people surrounding you? Even if you feel and know that you are loved by your friends and family, I think it can be completely normal to feel confused and misunderstood at times. In fact, I think we all feel this way. But in these moments, it is important to dig deeper and ask why. Why don’t you feel understood? Seen? Heard?
I have recently been interviewing for jobs in South Carolina. And in the process, this fact has been at the forefront of my mind: in order to express myself and connect with others, I need to know myself first. As I scope out how I will fit into the dynamics of a new place that I have only visited a couple of times, it’s crucial that I focus on clarifying my goals, visions, and values for this time in my life - so that I can clearly state those to my interviewers and, hopefully, discern which of the positions I’m exploring will be a positive fit for me in this next stage of my life.
This same principle applies to many moments in our lives. If we never get clear about our priorities, it becomes all too simple to fall into other people’s expectations and plans.
So, I have been asking myself: What values and priorities do I hold? What are my biggest dreams? Do I have ideas about how you might get there? What makes me feel alive?
The answers to these questions may or may not feel obvious just yet - but asking them is essential for growing closer to others whose values and priorities align with mine. They are essential for my ability to connect with others and to express myself accurately. If I can’t describe why I believe what I believe and care about what I care about, others won’t understand it, either.
For me, there have been a few key moments that required me to ask these big, discerning questions: in my college decision process, in my grad school search process (as described in my last post), in my last job search in Minnesota (you might see a pattern here - when I’m discerning my next big life decision, I find myself in the weeds of the big questions, first). But I believe these questions have been important to ask in other, smaller moments, too. So I’m curious: in what moments have you needed to clarify your values, to find your people? Have these been “big” moments, like the ones I’ve named? Or have they been small?
Until next time, friends.