Vocation: Learning Bits and Pieces of Each Other's Lives
02.24.2024 | 29205
For Reflection:
Sometimes, finding a sense of purpose requires us to be brave, even when we don’t feel that way. What dreams do you have that require courage?
Is there a specific place you associate with your passions?
Describe your skills. Are they interpersonal, or more independent? Do they require a great amount of focus?
Are your skills particular, or broad? Can they apply to multiple contexts?
Do any of your skills require such focus that you can’t spend time thinking about other things? How do those skills require you to be present where you are?
Do you have any specific practices that make you feel more in touch with who you are as a person, at your core (not as an employee, student, mom, sibling, etc.)?
Recently, Dominic and I attended a dinner party with some acquaintances from our new home. As the youngest by probably more than a decade, we both felt unsure about what to expect. What should we bring? What will we discuss? How long will we be there? Truthfully, I had a moment the day of the gathering in which I wished I had canceled. And for the first fifteen minutes we were there, I still wished I had canceled. The conversation was stilted; we didn’t know each other very well. We went through the general courtesies – we complimented their home; they took our drink orders. We asked about their work; they asked how we were adjusting to South Carolina. In short, we went through the motions.
And then, when the other guests showed up and we all settled into conversation together, less pressure laid on our shoulders. We no longer had to find topics we thought others would expect, as we carried the conversation together.
Before we knew it, six hours had passed and it was past midnight. The six of us had talked about all manner of things: 8th century Persia, hiking the Appalachian Trail (and other long trails), the benefits and costs of working in academia, different cultural conceptions of time, the grain used to make Southern grits, how to care for a python, and more. We had not sat down and listened to the long and winding stories of each other’s lives. But in just a few hours and through a multitude of topics, I learned bits and pieces of the others’ lives to this point. It was through the conversations about other topics that we grew accustomed to one another and put some pieces together. Dominic and I both, at the end of the night, commented on how lovely an evening it had been.
I have found myself thinking about that night often in the past few weeks. What made it feel so special? Why haven’t I found that kind of fellowship with most others in South Carolina thus far? What about it felt similar to the relationships I had in Minnesota? And the more I have considered it, the more convinced I become that this is a practice I had developed with the same people over the course of years in Minnesota – the practice of deep, honest conversation, about anything and everything. My friends and I learned about one another through intentional, thoughtful time together. We had been concerned not only with the intellectual topics at hand – debates about the merits of this or that policy or theory – but also with the internal well-being of our conversation partners.
I know that these conversations are often few and far between. Much of the time, many of us are simply going through the motions. We enter and exit relationships with others in a mostly transactional way. But the deeper discussions in which we get to know one another as human beings bring us into more authentic relationships. And this way of communing with others is something we can cultivate over time.
This month, I am challenging myself to enter my conversations with others with a deeper commitment to developing a relationship – even if that relationship is short-lived. How can I approach my interactions with others with intentionality, not just courtesy? How can I choose to listen intently not for the information most relevant to me, but for the truth of another person’s internal being?
Even if I am simply standing in line at the grocery store, or passing someone on the street, I believe this intentionality can bring me into greater alignment with my purpose, which I increasingly believe is related to helping others feel seen, heard, and valued. Of course, this may or may not resonate with the purpose you feel for yourself – so I wonder: what practices might you pursue to more intentionally bring you toward your vocation? How do these practices incorporate into your daily life?
Until next time, friends.